How Filthy Rebena saved me.
Fear and depression were trying to own me. I thought they had completely overtook me. So much so, I gave in completely and let them have their way with me. Oppressive, intrusive and in search of power within my being. Always hungry for more of my heart, mind and soul.
I never thought that a little online vintage store started by my sister Natalie Bradshaw and her friend Darlene Davis, could be the thing to pull me out of darkness and help me begin to see the little joys in life again.
When I asked if I could post some of my old things on their site (having always been an avid thrift store shopper with an eye for unusual vintage finds but not having much reason to dress in them since track pants had become my stable choice of attire) Nat and Darlene were gracious enough to let me in on their little budding dream of an enterprise.
I started off by putting up posters they had made around town. A big step since prior to this it had become excruciating for me to leave my house due to intense panic attacks but this gave me a purpose. It started to inspire me to get out there and hit the thrift stores again in search of rare finds to add to their growing collection of one of a kind pieces.
After a lifetime of battling anxiety and depression I had become tired of the constant struggle and I was giving up. I was about to surrender but this put some fight back in me.
Every time the phone rings with Nat on the other line saying one of my pieces sold, I literally jump for joy thrilled at the idea that something of me, whether it be a bag or a shirt, is being sent somewhere that I myself may never go. A trip around the block for me is like trip around the world for another.
With every purchase I send a paper crane to wish it a safe journey and a happy arrival but also to wish its new owner (although I’ll probably never meet them) peace and hope and their own liberation from melancholy, if only for a fleeting second. My thoughts and best wishes are with them during their own private battles and triumphs.